dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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