I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
