I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
