mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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