tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
