I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
