I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize