I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize