He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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