i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
