Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
