i may or may not be watching the land before time
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
