I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
