I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
