this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
worst night to have a conscience
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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