i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
