Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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