I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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