Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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