margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
