Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
