where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
