so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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