im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
