some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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