I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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