This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize