Where is the hickey?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
