May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
