My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
