Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
