she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
