When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize