Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
