he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The uberlube is also flammable
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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