i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
