Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
