Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
