if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize