Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
