hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
