fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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