I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
