I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I deserve this hangover.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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