The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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