Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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