Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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