i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
