Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She said her name was "party"
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
