apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
