I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Randomize
