i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
