Dual....:-)
My friends, they love my intelligence
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize