I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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