It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
