party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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