we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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