I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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