there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
