Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
