Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
