Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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