and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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