Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
