shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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