So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
