You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
