totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
