I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
