And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You can't motorboat a personality
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
