I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
