the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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