They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
