So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
