i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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