You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
two words...techno handjob
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Well I just put wine in my tea
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
