No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
