I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
