we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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